Preparing His Room & Preparing My Heart

Preparing Emsley’s room before she came was one of the greatest joys for me during the pregnancy period. Picking out items for her, from clothes, to toys and to room decor really helped me connect with her future worldly presence. Every little item I picked out for her was so exciting and made me feel elated at the thought of her pending arrival. This time however, life is busier. With having a toddler running around, combined with juggling being a working mom, I find the time I have to sit, nest and prepare for baby brother is MUCH less compared to the amount of time I had to do that when I was pregnant with Miss Lace. In a lot of ways, I have struggled with that. To me, nesting and creating my baby’s nursery is what really allowed me to feel ready and excited for Emsley’s arrival. That being said, I never did feel like having her was really going to happen. I remember when the nurses first placed her on my chest, I was in awe and disbelief. It’s hard to conceptualize what life will be like as a parent prior to having your first baby and having her never felt real until after we had settled in together for a few days at home as a family of three. I figured since this babe was our second child that we would be able to conceptualize it much better, be prepared more and have a greater understanding of what is to come, but I can’t say that’s the case at all. In fact, I feel exactly the same way as I did the first time around. I know in my mind that there’s something in my stomach (how couldn’t I?? I’m HUGE this time!), I feel him and watch him wiggle around, but I am having a hard time picturing that what is actually in there is going to be a baby boy that will belong to us and expand our family to a family of four. Spending greater time nesting and preparing his nursery like I did with Emsley’s room I think would have allowed me to feel a bit more connected to his future worldly presence, but like I said before, life is just busier. I find that I don’t have the time in the evenings to search for baby items, clothes or decor the way I did for Ems. After racing home from work to eat a quick meal together, I am off doing dinner dishes and cleaning up whatever messes there are around. I then have maybe an hour to myself before I start passing out for the night. When I was pregnant with Ems, I used to sit in her rocking chair all the time just soaking in the nursery that we had created for her, rubbing my belly and dreaming of what she’d look like or what she would be like, but with baby brother, it’s just not happening on a regular basis. I don’t find myself hanging out in his room very often and I definitely don’t have the time to just sit there, rocking away and soaking it all in. Going up to his room to relax and just “be” doesn’t seem to make the priority list these days as I constantly feel the need to go and do something off of my ‘To-Do Before He Arrives List”. These past few weeks I’ve been trying harder to make the conscious effort to change that. I’ve been trying to carve out more time thinking about the items he might need and buying him a few new things that he doesn’t have to inherit from his sister. I have also spent a bit more time sitting in the same rocking chair we had in Emsley’s room which is now in his, staring at the shades of navy blue, grey and of course, white. 😉 Ive been trying to pray more about him and spend more of my time alone, thinking about what he might be like. Will he have dark hair like Emsley did at birth or will he come out fair and blonde? Will he have daddy’s red skin tone or mommy’s yellow skin tone, just like his sister has? Will he look like his sister or will he have unique features? Will his personality be completely different? Will he be the spit fire that his sister is or will he be more easy going? So far this pregnancy has been a perfect path towards option 2. I haven’t been sick, he doesn’t keep me up during the night and he isn’t driving me bonkers wth hiccups 8 times per day. Also, the fact that he is taking his sweet time to arrive fits much more with a relaxed personality, which doesn’t surprise me. I figure, if he can be easy going, relaxed and slower paced already, then this momma can match that as well. Or maybe he will be just like his sister, personality-wise, but maybe he also knows that his momma needs just a little extra time to prepare his room, and with that, prepare her heart. Because as much as being a parent is all about trying to teach our kids all of life’s lessons, our kids are really the ones teaching us all about life. I used to think this happened starting from the day the child entered the world but I think baby brother might be onto something already, even from inside the womb..

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