Finding a Balance: Mom Guilt

FullSizeRender-3It seems like just yesterday that I was sitting in a meeting around 3:30 pm shifting uncomfortably in my chair thinking my stomach was upset from my lunch. I remember speaking to a co-worker after that meeting and having to sit down in a chair due to the pain in my stomach. I felt frustrated as I had experienced similar stomach issues in the past and figured that’s what was occurring. I remember apologizing to my co-worker for sitting down in the middle of explaining something but it seemed that she was more aware of what was happening to me than I was. I was frustrated because the cramping was distracting and stopping me from doing my job. I fought through it though and continued to work until the end of the work day.

I wanted Emsley and I knew I was “ready”. I put the word ready in quotations because I don’t think you can ever be 100 percent ready, but I was as close mentally as I’d ever be. Despite this, I was in complete denial that I was having a baby that day. I hadn’t finished the tasks I wanted to finish at work. I hadn’t finished training my replacement or cleaning out my desk. In my head she was supposed to be born in August. Her due date was August 9 and I had wrapped my head around the fact that I would be overdue like many first time mom’s are. Based on this she would be an August baby. This would give me one to three whole weeks of MAT leave to get things in order and finish packing the hospital bag before she arrived. July just wasn’t the right month in my head; it didn’t make any sense in my very pregnant brain. But clearly, like many things in life, I had no say in the matter. On July 28, 2015 at 8:10 pm our little girl entered this world in a very fast manner. It was a beautiful day outside, hot and sunny and I couldn’t have asked for better weather to walk into the hospital with.

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