I had shared a post on my IG account right when the new year started, about making 2019 the year of self-care for me. After sharing that post, I felt strongly about wanting to elaborate on that topic, to make sure I was clear on what I had meant. I put it on the back burner for a couple weeks, talking myself out of writing it many times. But, on January 20, 2019, I had the privilege of attending the Mad About Style ambassador brunch, where the topic being presented by the guest speaker, Jessica Janzen, was all about “goals for 2019”! Coincidence? I KNOW not! I am a big believer that we have nudges on our heart to do things and Jessica appears to share a very similar mindset. I also believe that connections in life between people occur in various forms to help form our paths. Hearing her speak was the kick in the pants I needed to commit to my original thought: write out my goals for 2019 in more detail; something I had clearly been putting off. I had been feeling compelled to not only share my goals in more detail, but also the WHY behind them, as I believe that if I/my husband are dealing with these things, that other couples are likely going through the same thing.
My initial feelings when Emsley was born were shock and disbelief. I truly couldn’t believe that I was a mom. I remember the nurses placing her on my chest and instead of looking at her, I turned to look at my husband with wide eyes and an open mouth. I couldn’t believe there was a tiny human on me. Even though I had carried her in my belly for 8 and a 1/2 long months, it was still such a strange thought to me. I remember thinking, “this belongs to me?”, “SHE belongs to me?”. These thoughts lasted for quite some time, even after we came home from the hospital. I would regularly hear people refer to me as a mother or to Emsley as my daughter but it constantly felt as though they were talking about someone else. People would often ask how I was adjusting to my new role as a mom, but I never had much to offer in terms of a response. Looking back now, I think it was because I didn’t really believe that she was here to stay, that she was really mine to keep.